Road Trip: BBQ Delivered with Attitude (The Unbelievable Mr. Brownstone Book 20) Read online

  James nodded slowly as he thought about how much Alison had changed. When he’d met her, she’d been a blind girl with a unique ability, but she didn’t have access to most of her magic. She’d been a scared teen worried about her mother and betrayed by her father. Now, she was mentioned on the news constantly. More often than he was, for that matter. She’d earned allies from Oriceran to secret government agencies. He could understand where Shay was coming from since Alison’s career was a source of both pride and terror.

  “Yeah,” he rumbled. “She’s handled it well, and she’s got a solid crew. We did everything we could to prepare her to take care of herself, just like we will with the new kid, except this time, we’ll be in there from the beginning, so there won’t be a lot of catch up.”

  Shay leaned toward him, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “If I know you, you’ve probably got some strange plan for a toddler-sized combat assault course.”

  “Not an assault course.” James shrugged. “But you know, exercise is good for kids.”

  She chuckled. “Fine. You know what? You’re probably half right. We’ll figure something out. We will make damned sure that no one even dares to try to bully our kid, but I’m not sure how much I trust you with that sort of thing.”

  “Yeah, well, we can talk to Lily and Alison about their warehouse training and how safe it was,” James replied.

  Shay laughed and patted her belly. “We didn’t do a half-bad job with Alison, so we might even do a good job with the new kid. If you’re accepting that your little girl has grown up, I need to get with the program.” She shook her head. “And I need to go ahead and plop out this kid. I’m getting sentimental and soft. Maybe I need to kill a few people while I’m breastfeeding to get my cred back.”

  “You can’t do that,” James complained.

  “Oh?” Shay raised an eyebrow. “You’re suddenly worried about me? Even pregnant, I can handle myself.”

  “Nah, not worried about you, just think if you’re shooting people while breastfeeding, it might hurt the baby’s ears.”

  Shay grinned. “Alison’s sibling is going to have a lot to live up to.”

  Chapter Three

  James stuck his spatula under the thick slab of light-brown meat and flipped it. He wiped some sweat off his brow, since the sun was shining down on the cloudless June day. The basic grilling of a protein needed to precede full barbeque mastery, and the former was his goal for the day. He eyed a large cooler next to the grill.

  Nadina sent him the cooler full of meat, all taken from some Oriceran animal she managed to import on a limited-use license. He couldn’t begin to pronounce the name, and it didn’t have an English equivalent, other than his friend’s description.

  I wonder if I should be eating shit I can’t even pronounce. I’ve eaten a lot of grilled meat all over Earth, but at least I could get in the ballpark of saying the name. In the end, at least those animals were mostly not strange, except for some of that shit I had in Hong Kong. I wonder if they lied to me and actually imported it from Oriceran?

  “Just think of it as a six-legged magic cow,” Nadina had suggested. “The meat’s a lot sweeter than beef, though. Much, much sweeter. I don’t know if you’ll like it, but you asked me about different sorts of Oriceran meat, so this is an interesting one to try. It’ll give you an idea of the range of flavors that is potentially available.”

  James didn’t like the fact that the elf had giggled after she described it and insisted that he at least try it. Allegedly, it was very popular in a kingdom on Oriceran known for their heavy meat-eating. He was inclined to trust his fellow semi-carnivores.

  He frowned at the magic-cow steak. Having an open mind about meat didn’t automatically grant him the knowledge and experience to produce something that tasted good, and while Nadina might be a successful pitmaster, she didn’t serve her magic cow at any of her places. Was that just a product of supply, or indicative of its acceptability to the average human palate? Maybe even she couldn’t cook it well.

  As the steak sizzled, a strange odor wafted off it, overly fruity and sweet and reminiscent of pineapple. Shallow grill marks adorned the meat and, based on what Nadina had told him, the even color indicated the grilling was done. He plated the steak on a nearby paper plate. He didn’t want to risk some lingering Oriceran strangeness on anything more permanent.

  Shit, he thought as he closed the grill, suddenly realizing the implications. He hoped the magic cow flavor didn’t permeate the grill. It’d be weird if it always smelled like pineapple.

  James shook his head, trying to force the thought out. He needed to expand his horizons, which meant he couldn’t be close-minded, and he’d occasionally have to risk lingering fruit odors. Besides, Nadina might mess with him a little, but she would never do anything that would screw with his grilling equipment, personal or professional. She had too much pride as a pitmaster for that.

  Even if she had, there was nothing he could do now about the magic-cow meat tainting his grill. If it came down to it, he’d call one of the magicals who worked for the agency and ask for their help. There had to be some wizard or witch spell that could save a corrupted grill. He would concentrate on tasting his steak.

  James grabbed the plate and walked over to a wooden table that stood underneath his patio overhang. He set the plate next to a knife and fork he’d already placed there. There was no sauce bottle because he wasn’t sure about the flavor profile, let alone what might work to enhance it. Cooking was chemistry, but James relied more on years of experience and instinct rather than detailed knowledge for successful experiments. Unfortunately, he had no experience or knowledge concerning six-legged magic cows.

  This is me doing what I need to do. This is me stepping right into the new world in a big way, not just a few spices and shit. I’m gonna expand into true pitmaster status, starting with magic cow.

  James took a few deep breaths, then sliced a piece off and stabbed it with his fork, lifting it slowly, as if it might grow legs and attack him. With magic, a man never knew what was going to happen, and he didn’t want to have to start wandering around with Whispy bonded just to try new proteins. The fork drifted closer to his mouth, the sweet scent growing almost overwhelming.

  I should have asked her what it was supposed to smell like. For all I know, the shipping company screwed up, and it’s rotten.

  James plopped the meat in his mouth and chewed slowly. He grimaced and only didn’t spit out the meat because he didn’t want to disrespect Nadina. For all he knew, she was watching him with magic. The texture was strange; it was far smoother than he would have expected from the appearance, not completely unenjoyable but unexpected. A great flavor might have saved the steak.

  Maybe an elf would argue the meat tasted delicious, but there was at least one man on Earth who would now argue the opposite to his grave. The bite started out sweet, the intensity of the flavor growing until his mouth and every part of his tongue were overwhelmed. It was as if someone had stuck a funnel into his mouth and poured in a pineapple smoothie mixed with blueberry cotton candy. No, even that combination would have been less sweet than what he was tasting. The sickening taste combined with the odd texture was too much. He shuddered and swallowed, praying for relief.

  Was the fucking magic cow made out of sugar? Was Nadina just fucking with me? She had to know there was no way I would ever enjoy that.

  James growled.

  At least she can’t say I didn’t try it. Maybe I screwed it up, and I released all that sweetness because I didn’t use the right temp. I’ll have to ask her, but there’s no way I’m offering that in my barbeque place. Even if it was milder than that, none of my customers would touch it.

  James shook his head, the unpleasant flavor lingering in his mouth. He hadn’t thought to prepare an emergency beer or glass of water. The new kid needed to be born and learn to walk so he could fetch him drinks when he needed them. His dog was too old to do much anymore except sleep or go on short walks around the neig
hborhood.

  Shay slid the patio door open and stepped outside gingerly. “Oof. The doc keeps telling me the kid’s a normal size, but I swear it’s like having a bowling ball in here.” She jabbed her finger at him. “This is your fault, you know.”

  “Kind of takes two to make a baby.” James shrugged. “At least for humans. Probably not for every Oriceran.”

  “True. And it’s not like I didn’t enjoy the process.” Shay sat on the edge of the table. “I just got off the phone with Alison.”

  His heart stayed steady. He needed to trust his daughter, especially after the conversation he’d previously had with Shay.

  Is there trouble? It sounded like she was taking it easy the last time we talked. Only simple jobs, and the Drow princesses were training with her but not harassing her otherwise.

  Shay’s easy smile suggested no annoying conversations or revelations of new, dangerous organizations occurred during the call. James hoped so, but he would always have time to go kick ass for his first kid, even if she didn’t need much help. For all her power and success, she was still his daughter, and he would always be her father.

  His wife gestured to his plate. “Before we discuss her, I’m curious. How’s your space cow?”

  “It’s not a space cow,” James corrected. “It’s a magic cow.”

  Shay snickered. “I stand corrected. And the flavor? Is it, you know, magically delicious?”

  James grimaced, both at the joke and the memory of his sample. “It’s awful. It tastes like a fruit cart exploded in my mouth. I’d rather have tofu turkey, and you know I feel about that abomination.”

  Shay raised an eyebrow. “I remember you threatened to throw the last guy who offered you some tofu turkey into the ocean, but I can see a market for people who might like your magic non-space cow.”

  “There will always be people who eat weird shit, but I’m not one of them.” James pushed his plate toward her. “You want to try some?”

  “That’s okay, I’ll live. And there’s no way I’m trying it while I’m pregnant. For all I know, magic non-space-cow meat gives babies horns.” Shay patted her pants pocket. “I mostly came out to tell you about Alison’s call.”

  “What about her? She figure out her wedding shit yet?”

  “Nope. She’s still thinking about a lot of that, but our girl’s going on an actual lengthy vacation. She’s going to take a few weeks off here in about a week or so.” Shay’s smile grew warmer. “And she’s going off the grid a little. There’s some island she’ll be visiting. It’s run by magicals, but it’s on Earth. Not that one with the Nereids. This place is an actual vacation spot. It sounds interesting, but I know you would hate it, and considering you hate all modes of transportation that aren’t Ford trucks, you would bitch about going there.” She rubbed her stomach. “Not that we’re going on vacation for a while anyway. We’ll consider it probably about the time you start the baby on the toddler assault course.”

  “When is she going?” James asked, imagining some strange Willy-Wonka-like magical island overrun by gnomes using spells that gave them green hair and orange skin. It was probably more mundane than that, given what he had seen from magicals over the decades, but the image stuck, and he chuckled.

  “She’s supposed to leave in the next few days,” Shay explained. “But she should be back before my due date.”

  “Really? I’m surprised she’s considering going, since we’re so close now.” James let disappointment creep into his voice. He liked the idea of his first child being there to greet his second.

  Shay stared at him for a moment before her mouth quirked into a grin. “I’m glad I talked to her first. Very glad. This could have been a big mess.”

  James frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means she was on the fence about even going. She was feeling guilty and said she would wait a few months, until after the birth. Until everything had settled down for us. I told her it’s not like we can’t handle our own kid, and if she wanted to help me, she should go on the damned vacation, so I don’t have to worry about her overworking herself and being stressed out.” Shay shook her head. “After dealing with those Tapestry freaks, Alison needs some time off. She doesn’t know how to relax.” She grinned at James. “She reminds me of how a certain stubborn man used to be. And sometimes still is.”

  He grunted. “I relax all the time. I was grilling just now. Sure, the meat was weird, but it’s not like I’m hunting bounties or even working at the restaurant, and I find working at the restaurant relaxing. Except when a customer bitches. Or the grill breaks down. Or there’s a vendor problem.

  “Yeah, that sounds very relaxing.”

  James shrugged. “Even if that’s true, I wouldn’t have told her she shouldn’t go on vacation. I don’t want her to burn out.”

  “Good.” Shay folded her arms. “I’m very glad to hear that we’re in agreement. Besides, even if something were to happen, I don’t need my daughter at my side during the birth. I need my husband. Keep that in mind.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.” James shrugged. “I haven’t even left the county in a while.”

  “I’m just saying no road trips for a while, probably three or four months.” Shay nodded, wearing a self-satisfied look on her face.

  “I’ve got no reason to go on a road trip,” James replied. He gestured to the plate. “I know I’m not going to pick up any more of the magic cow soon. I can talk to Nadina about trying out different Oriceran meats and having her ship them to me. She’s got a better handle on the import process anyway.”

  Shay’s smile faded to a look of concern. “There’s another thing. It might not be a real issue, but ignoring shit isn’t usually a good idea for people with our unique backgrounds.” She averted her eyes.

  James narrowed his eyes. “What are you talking about? Is anything wrong?”

  Shay took a deep breath and slowly like out. “I was checking something the other day, and I was wondering if you might have a clue about it.” She pulled out her phone, and after some tapping, slid it over to her husband. “I thought I saw the same green car a few times the other day, but I didn’t recognize it from the neighborhood. So I pulled some footage from our cameras. It turns out the same car has passed us several times in the last few days.”

  “You have made a point of memorizing all the neighborhood cars? I didn’t know that.”

  Shay nodded. “Just because I’m not one-hundred-percent paranoid anymore, it doesn’t mean I’m not ninety-percent paranoid.”

  James’ stomach tightened. He didn’t want to believe anyone was idiotic enough to target his house and his pregnant wife, but maybe he’d miscalculated. Shay, even pregnant, could take on most people who might want to mess with her, but she would damned well avoid it if he had any say. First, he needed to establish what was actually happening.

  “Maybe they’re friends of someone in the area,” he suggested, trying to push the worry down. “It’s not like we live on a dead-end street or a cul de sac.”

  “I thought of that, but there’s one thing that makes me wonder.” Shay shook her head. “They always slow down when they pass our place. Maybe they’re just fans, but given how many times they’ve come by in the last few days, it might be a stalker.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me before?” James asked, his gaze dipping to her belly. “If there’s a threat to the baby, we need to handle it as soon as possible.”

  “I’ve been moody and emotional lately,” Shay replied. “I thought I might have just been seeing things. Paranoid. Well, more paranoid than usual.” She shrugged. “If I freaked out and cried to you every time I’ve been extra-suspicious since getting pregnant, we’d be investigating half of Los Angeles, and probably blowing up a third of it.”

  James peered at the car’s image. It was a dark green Honda, non-electric judging by the tailpipe. Numerous dents and rust marred the vehicle. He wasn’t an expert on any vehicle other than Ford trucks, but it was obvious the car
was closer to the era of his F-350 than the average vehicle on the road these days.

  “Not exactly some high-end assassin if they’re driving shit like that,” James rumbled.

  “Yeah, and I doubt they would be so damned obvious.” Shay snickered. “I’m not saying they are a high-end assassin. Too much window tint to get a good visual on the driver, but the car is registered to a Calista Everton. From what I can tell, she’s a college student. Started attending UCLA last fall, but I didn’t do a deep dive, and I didn’t want to mess around too much at the college. Don’t shit where you live or work, you know?”

  What the fuck? It can’t be.

  “Calista?” James murmured. “Why is Calista coming by our place?”

  Shay blinked. “Wait. You know her?”

  “Yeah. She lived at the orphanage the last few years until she was eighteen, originally came there when she was fourteen. Had a real rough time, but they helped her turn things around. She still volunteers there sometimes, but, yeah, last I heard, she’d started college. She’s a quiet girl, but I haven’t talked to her much lately or even before. No more than a lot of the kids there, and I’ve barely seen her over the last few months.” James searched his memories, trying to find anything that would explain why Calista would be in his neighborhood or near his house.

  Shay sighed. “You’d better check on her, James. It might be a coincidence, but there are only so many coincidences I’ll believe when it comes to you.”

  “She’s not a magical,” James replied.

  “And you sure this girl isn’t in love with you?”

  James groaned. “She didn’t act like it. She’s just a normal girl. She wouldn’t be mixed up in any strange trouble.”

  Shay gave him a pitying look. “I’m not a magical, and I killed my first man when I was younger than her. And you were an alien when you were that age and didn’t even know it. Just give her a call. Maybe there’s a perfectly innocent explanation.”